David and Jonathan

'Friendship produces an entire sameness; it is one soul in two bodies: a friend is another self.'

I've been rereading back through 1 Samuel, mainly focusing on the relationship between Jonathan and David, and it's incredible. I guess I'll just let the scripture I've found speak for itself on this one:

"Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself...And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt" (1 Sam 18:1,3-4)" ; "Jonathan was very fond of David and ... spoke well of David" (1 Sam 19:1b,4a) ; "Jonathan said to David, 'Whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you'" (1 Sam 20:4) ; "So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, 'May the Lord call David's enemies [aka Jonathan's own father!] to account.' And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself" (1 Sam 20:16-17) ; "David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together--but David wept the most. Jonathan said to David, 'Go in peace, for we have sword friendship with each other in the name of the Lord, saying, 'The Lord is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever''" (1 Sam 20:41-42) ; "Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God...the two of them made a covenant before the Lord" (1 Sam 23:16,18).

I know! Crazy stuff, huh? I mean that's a really intense friendship--"one in spirit." And it goes on. Here's part of David's lament he writes after he finds out that Jonathan's dead:

"How the mighty have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you, Jonathan my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women" (2 Sam 1:25-26).

That is passion. He calls Jonathan his brother, lauds their shared love, and says their love is "more wonderful than that of women"! I could be completely wrong here, but I can't help but think about Platonic love. It's something we talked about in my Shakespeare class (referring to the relationship between Shakespeare and his male friend in the sonnets). I think David and Jonathan's relationship is Platonic love. It's not gay or carnal or anything like that (which, surprisingly, is how a lot of people, even commentaries, look at their relationship--google it). The idea of this kind of love is that it's a deeper, more intimate one because it's untouched, untainted by a physical element. In my Shakespeare class, my professor said that the common thought was that men's wives were never their soul-mates; that was a role that only a best male friend could hold. Only could two men have the deepest, most open, most pure relationship. And I'm going to reiterate this again--it's not gay. Our culture is so homophobic, I feel like I can barely even talk about this subject without someone thinking, "hmm...I bet..." But it was never like that until just recently. Male best friends have been valued throughout history in a way they aren't anymore. Looking at male friendships in this way helps me to understand David and Jonathan's relationship. It also explains the line about Jonathan's love being greater than that of a woman.

But anyway, I just wanted to point out some more things that stood out to me about David and Jonathan's relationship. Notice how in 1 Sam 18:3 David and Jonathan make a covenant between themselves--a personal covenant. Then, in 1 Sam 20:16 they make a covenant with their whole houses--a much more inclusive, intense covenant given their circumstances what with Jonathan's dad trying to kill David and all. I was looking up covenants like this, and a lot of the Old Testament commentaries discuss how these covenants of brotherhood were (and are) very common and frequent in the East. Apparently, in the East they even held certain ceremonies with witnesses and all to demonstrate a public profession of commitment, that the persons will be sworn brothers for life. Dang, intense. I also was looking up the significance of the verse where Jonathan strips himself of everything and gives it all--robe, tunic, sword, bow, belt--to David. Apparently, receiving any part of someone's clothes--especially if that person was in any way sovereign, an eldest son, or an heir--was (and still is) like the highest honor possible in the East. Above all this though, the line that stood out to me the most was "Jonathan became one in spirit with David." Whatever that means... One commentary said this, and I think Keith will not say anything on the subject because he likes what it says: "They had a friendship which could not be affected with changes or chances, and which exemplified all that the ancients have said on the subject; thn filian isothta einai, kai mian yuchn, ton filon eteron auton; 'Friendship produces an entire sameness; it is one soul in two bodies: a friend is another self.'"

I want that.

I realize off the bat that this is a pretty cheesy (maybe something you may deem pathetic) post. I've been resisting the urge to write about this for a while, but I don't care anymore. I remember going on a youth group retreat in 8th grade with my church and playing a game. As part of the game, everyone had to name and describe his best friend. I had no best friend. I remember that bothering me, and I remember praying and hoping that I would find that best friend in high school. Well, all throughout high school, I remember praying for that, for a best friend, and getting nothing. I had friends. In fact, I had lots of best friends but not one best friend--someone I could tell everything to, someone that could hold me accountable spiritually, someone I could relate to, someone I could trust and depend on, someone I could do those things for, too. I remember graduating high school and thinking, "OK. college is where you find that." As pathetic as it sounds, I really wanted a best friend, and I prayed for that for years. I mean that literally. Once I came to college, I poured myself out to God, and this dominated my prayer life. Freshman year: nothing. Sophomore year: nothing. I remember back to the CMU retreat (Campus Ministries United) my sophomore year. As part of the retreat, all the guys separated and discussed accountability. Dang, again? Everyone was talking about how great it was, how amazing and fulfilling it was to have that best guy friend you could be completely real with and it be okay. I freaking wanted this and had been praying for this. Wasn't it in God's will? (ha) Why wasn't I getting it?

Well, about the end of my sophomore year of college, a lot of other things--family, academic, personal issues--monopolized my prayer life, and I just quit praying for a best friend. Then came exams. Then summer. Then Costa Rica. Then Camp Joy. Now Junior year and still not praying for that. Crazy thing? That's when God gives it to me. I know, I know...what the heck, God? After I stop praying for it, then you decide to answer my prayers... However, in retrospect, I can see God working in lots of small ways, orchestrating all of the details to line up for this: Gardner-Webb; classes; small group; Costa Rica; and all the others, including the details I've missed. Dang, I remember being pissed at God! Now s/he's finally answered years worth of my prayers (trying to cull masculine pronouns for God; right now, just makes everything choppy, so we'll see). I used to think God was maybe trying to tell me I didn't need a best friend, or maybe s/he just didn't want to give that to me.

But now, to quote the subject of this post, "when i look back on the semester, my relationship with you- the accountability, great conversations, prayers, everything- just screams, 'answered prayer!'" It's so true. Life screams "answered prayer" to me now. And it's better than I ever imagined it could be. There's so much more openness in my life, and I'm okay with being vulnerable. There's such a deeper, higher level of accountability in my life, a deeper spiritual connection than I've ever felt. Experiencing the fulfillment of all my prayers has revolutionized my prayer life; I feel like I can do anything through prayer now. I pray more for myself. I pray more for him. And I've found that the prayers I pray for myself are the prayers I pray for him. Maybe that's what the Bible means when it says, "Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself" (1 Samuel 18:1b). I love this guy so much. Like at least as much as myself. He makes me love God more, too (not that my love for God is dependent on answered prayers, but, sometimes it is influenced by them; I really love God for blessing me with this best friend). And I think I want that David-Jonathan commitment, that covenant uniting us as sworn brothers for life. So thanks God for Jonathan. or David. (I don't really know who's who.) I really love this guy.


no homo