Blogging

I know. I'm thinking the same thing: Why the hell am I starting a blog? (A) they're lame and kitschy right now; (B) everyone always says the same thing and makes the same mistake--assuming their lives matter and people not only read what they write, but care about it; (C) the few blogs that are decent are only that way because people keep up with them; and (D) there's no way I'm going to be able to keep up with this. However, I figure no one really reads these things anyway, so this is a safe environment for me. I mean, this is the internet. Blogs like this are perfectly private, individualized modes of self-expression. right?

I guess I just wanted to write. Since coming to college, I've been doing a lot more writing. Most of this I do in 1 of about 10 different random journals and notebooks I have scattered about my room. There's really no method to it, so I've decided to start some sort of compilation of these writings electronically.

I suppose I write for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed in worry. So stressed out of my mind, like if I have one more thing to do my head will literally sever itself from my body, pick up a gun with its chimerical hands, and shoot me through the heart, then shoot itself through (hmmm) probably the temple?--I don't know for sure, though; it's kind of hard to say because my head is pretty stubborn and likes contrariety for its own sake to spite me--but anyway, thus rendering both body and head lifeless. That would be really nice sometimes.

Other times, I feel overwhelmed in pain. I guess I'm a relatively sensitive person. I really only have myself and my sympathy to gauge that against. But, what I mean is that at times I feel such a deep, penetrating sorrow in life. Such burden, sadness, hurt. Writing helps me get through that and process it.

Other times, I feel overwhelmed in amazement at this world, this life, this God I think I know. You know: those moments when you see a simple, common bush and realize you're looking at the face of God; those moments when you hear something from someone you love, or have never met, and realize you're hearing the voice of God; those moments when you feel warmed by a friend's embrace and realize you're feeling the embrace of God. I think those are the times I write the most. I guess time will tell what I really write the most about with this blog, though.


So, I guess--in essence--all my writing in this blog is uncensored, unfiltered, unadulterated

me.