Sacrifice

I'm reading through The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. Highly recommend, by the way. He's part of a movement called New Monasticism. It's fairly new and known for its 12 marks:

1) Relocation to the abandoned places of Empire.

2) Sharing economic resources with fellow community members and the needy among us.

3) Hospitality to the stranger.

4) Lament for racial divisions within the church and our communities combined with the active pursuit of a just reconciliation.

5) Humble submission to Christ’s body, the church.

6) Intentional formation in the way of Christ and the rule of the community along the lines of the old novitiate.

7) Nurturing common life among members of intentional community.

8) Support for celibate singles alongside monogamous married couples and their children.

9) Geographical proximity to community members who share a common rule of life.

10) Care for the plot of God’s earth given to us along with support of our local economies.

11) Peacemaking in the midst of violence and conflict resolution within communities along the lines of Matthew 18.

12) Commitment to a disciplined contemplative life.

There's some good stuff in this movement. Its advocates are really doing what Jesus says--they're leaving their families, finding the hungry and the alone, and being Jesus. They're selling their possessions, giving to the poor, and living in community.

One of the quotes I read in the book is by Dorothy Day: "If you have two coats, one of them belongs to the poor."

God really convicted me when I read this. Putting down the book, I walked over to my closet and, including hoodies, counted ten coats. Ten! Recognizing my own entrapment in capitalism and this consumeristic society, realizing that I have way too much and that those who have nothing can have if people like me share, seeing that materialism has been a blind spot in my faith, I'm changing. I'm making an active and intentional choice to be different. And that means not only changing my lifestyle but also being proactive in doing something about the poverty and hunger that thrives in this world.

I took out all the clothes in my closet and my dresser (I have two different places to store all of my clothes!) and let my own guilt over my materialism slowly sift out half of my clothes. Half my t-shirts, shorts, pants, shoes, and coats, all are no longer mine. I resolved to take them to the local homeless shelter as soon as I had a free-day from classes.

My friend Shannon, who recommended The Irresistible Revolution to me, is now doing the same thing, choosing to share the abundance we've been given with the poor and the naked. You have to check out her thoughts on all this--so illuminating. She makes an excellent point about the purpose of sacrifice, how its value isn't inherent but rather can be a reflection of something greater happening internally.

I ran across this verse in my Bible this week: "You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise" (Psalms 51:16-17). Well crap. If sacrificing my clothes isn't going to please God, but rather the condition of my spirit, then I have a long way to go. Remember I said I had ten coats and decided to give away half? That still leaves me with five. Five! What do I need five different coats for?!

I've got to give away and do a lot more before I have a broken spirit.

Who Are We in This Complicated World

"Who Are We in This Complicated World

(from Mathnawi 1 , 1510 - 1513):


if we come to sleep
we are His drowsy ones.

and if we come to wake
we are in His hands.

if we come to weeping,
we are His cloud full of raindrops.

and if we come to laughing,
we are His lightning in that moment.

if we come to anger and battle,
it is the reflection of His wrath.

and if we come to peace and pardon,
it is the reflection of His love.

who are we in this complicated world?"

*****************************************************

Quoted from The Kite Runner (movie), which as a movie I only recommend if you will never touch the book. The book's simply untouchable. You've got to read it. It will change you.

Maybe I Should Hide My Qur'an...

I just finished another conversation trying to explain why in the world I would want to read the Qur'an. Someone even said, "Isn't that that terrorist book?" I realize that was surely, surely, a joke, that this is the Bible belt, that I can stand on half the street corners in these small southern towns and see anywhere up to 3 Christian churches at one time, but are we all really this tunnel-visioned? Yes, the Bible has loads of truth in it. As does the Qur'an, and the Tao Teh Ching, and The Bhagavad Gita. I would never call myself a Universalist by any means; I don't believe we're all on different paths up the same mountain to the same God sitting at the top. However, I do believe in some great Absolute (we can call it God). I also believe that truth is available to everyone, at all places, at all times, and that this Absolute will use anyone and anything to reach us, no matter how deficient. As one thinker put it, "all the world's thoughts, all the world's most beautiful languages and literatures, are but vehicles for that ineffable message which comes to the heart in rare moments of ecstasy... For me the embodiment of that voice has been in the noble words of the Arabic Qur'an" ('Abdullah Yusuf 'Ali).

For me the embodiment of that voice has been in the words of Jesus Christ; but when I look for it, I find truth everywhere. As it says in Jeremiah 29, "You will search for me and find me when you search for me with your whole heart. I will be found by you." When I read the Bible, I find stories of love and a God that sacrifices everything just to have us. When I read the Tao Teh Ching, I find order, balance, and something universal uniting us all. When I read Nietzsche, I see what sexist, racist, ageist, nationalist man turned bitter looks like (this is a joke...). The point is that every text I read gives me a slightly bigger picture of all this--of life and God. Why wouldn't I read the Qur'an?

I'm tired of saying we're Christians when we've never read a single Sutra or Surah or Veda, much less our own Bible, and the same goes for professed atheists. We say we're Christians or atheists or whatever, but we're really just ignorant. And as far as Agnostics go, you can't choose doubt as a philosophy of life any more than you can choose immobility as a form of transportation (Life of Pi). Agnosticism may be a stage in life (I'll attest), but it's no place to stay.

Whew. Glad I got that out of my system. Here's what God used to speak to me this morning:

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The Holy Qur'an  C.23 & 24


But he [Muhammad] grew steadfastly in virtue and purity;
Untaught by men, he learnt rom the, and learned
To teach them; even as a boy of nine,
When he went in a trade caravan with Abu Talib
To Syria, his tender soul marked inwardly
How Allah did speak in the wide expanse
Of deserts, in the stern grandeur of rocks,
In the refreshing flow of streams, in the smiling
Bloom of gardens, in the art and skill with which
Men and birds and all life sought for light
From the Life of Lives, even as every plant
Seeks through devious ways the light of the Sun.


Nor less was he grieved at Man's ingratitude
When he rebelled and held as naught the Signs
Of Allah, and turned His gifts to baser uses,
Driving rarer souls to hermit life,
Clouding the heavenly mirror of pure affections
With selfish passions, mad unseemly wrangles,
And hard unhallowed loathsome tortures of themselves.

...When Guilt Leads to Good

I was talking to a friend/mentor the other day. She said that just like that "God-shaped hole" inside each of us, there's something within us that responds to redemption stories, "something about us that's drawn to stories of redemption. Part of God's wooing of us."

I just finished the book The Kite Runner and found it to be one of the most disturbing books I've ever read. Not disturbing in the perverse or graphic sense of the word, though it was graphic at parts, but disturbing in how deeply the story affected me. Few stories have ever moved me like this one, and few stories will I recommend as adamantly. In the words of this same friend, there is no equal in redemption stories.

"True redemption...when guilt leads to good." --Khaled Hosseini

Aslan is on the Move

I just started rereading The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, except in spanish--so it's El Leon, la Bruja, y el Ropero--and I really do believe that it was due to God's Divine prompting, his gentle persuasion in my spirit, that I picked up the Chronicles and commenced reading. The Lord also led me to yahoo's movie website and guided my eyes and mouse until I reached this page:

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader


Don't tell me God isn't good. Don't tell me God isn't active in our lives.

Lord, thank you.
This is both an act of love and grace in this harsh, cold world.

Renewing the Mind

I realize I haven't blogged in a while, and there's not really anything I feel I need to say here on the blogosphere, so I figured I'd do a post of a different kind. One of my goals for the summer is to be more disciplined in memorizing scripture. These are the verses that have stood out enough to make the list so far, the verses I've let marinate in my life.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable unto God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--His good, pleasing, and perfect will." __Romans 12: 1-2

"Stop doing what is wrong, learn to do right. Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." __Isaiah 1: 16-17

"Similary, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything, set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching, show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us." __Titus 2: 6-8

"You will have no inheritance in their land, nor will you have any share among them; I am your share and your inheritance." __Numbers 18: 20

"Rend your heart and not your garmets. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in Love." __Joel 2: 13

"Let Love and Faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then will you win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man." __Proverbs 3: 3-4

Another goal I have for the summer, a goal I've had for the past few years, is to read at least a novel a week throughout the summer vacation. Here's the list thus far:

X-Men: The Return by Chris Roberson (haha)

X-Men: Law of the Jungle by Dave Smeds (haha)

Life of Pi by Yann Martel (phenomenal! all-time top 5)

The Bluebird Carries the Sky on His Back by Henry David Thoreau (great)

Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison (great)

A Mercy by Toni Morrison (decent)

I'll try to update the list every so often. Thank you and goodbye. It's world cup time here in the ol' Costa Rica!

Bleeding into our Art

"When a theologian comes to visit [sculptor Harriet March] at her studio and he has all sorts of polished and complicated ides about God and suffering and life, Harriet explains to him how she sees the world through her work.

'But no matter how much the mess and distortion make you want to despair, you can't abandon the work because you're chained to the bloody thing, it's absolutely woven into your soul and you know you can never rest until you've brought truth out of all the distortion and beauty out of all the mess- but it's agony, agony, agony- while simultaneously being the most wonderful and rewarding experience in the world - and that's the creative process which so few people understand.

'It involves an indestructible sort of fidelity, an insane sort of hope and indescribable sort of....well, it's love, isn't it?  There's no other word for it...And don't throw Mozart at me...I know he claimed his creative process was no more than a form of automatic writing, but the truth was he sweated and slaved and died young giving birth to all that music.  He poured himself out and suffered.  That's the way it is.  That's creation......You cannot create without waste and mess and sheer undiluted slog.  You can't create without pain. It's all part of the process.   It's in the nature of things.

'So in the end every major disaster, every tiny error, every wrong turning, every fragment of discarded clay, all the blood, sweet and tears- everything has meaning.  I give it meaning.  I reuse, reshape, recast all that goes wrong so that in the end nothing is wasted and nothing is without significance and nothing ceases to be precious to me.'


"Is she talking about sculpture or life?"
(Drops Like Rain by Rob Bell)

From "The Problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis

You asked for a loving God: you have one. The great spirit you so lightly invoked, the "Lord of terrible aspect," is present: not a senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way, not the cold philanthropy of a conscientious magistrate, nor the care of a host who feels responsible for the comfort of his guests, but the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds, persistent as the artist's love for his work and despotic as a man's love for a dog, provident and venerable as a father's love for a child, jealous, inexorable, exacting as love between the sexes.

The Great Iconoclast

Only Hope

I just finished C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed, and it was a really moving and easy read. At one point, Lewis talks about all his efforts, everything he's ever felt or worked for, in the end amounting to a castle of cards, a castle the world--and even God sometimes--destroys over and over and over; but it never keeps him from building another card castle.

I guess we all are like Lewis: building castles with feeble cards, only to watch them crash to the ground, and then start building again. I must love building castles, because, frankly, I cannot stop. I think the last castle I built up must have taken me a long time. Lots of levels and decorations and stuff. I think I was really proud of it, too, and probably even felt safe inside. But like always, my card castles end up spending their time collapsing. Now, awake in the infinite cold, looking at the ruins of that castle, it's amazing that I thought it would ever stand up. All the pieces look so weak. They were new pieces, though! Pieces you could really get excited about! Crisp, clean, brand-spankin-new pieces! But paper.

"My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He shatters it Himself. He is the great iconoclast. Could we not almost say that this shattering is one of the marks of His presence?" (Lewis)

Damn, I sure hope so.

The Secret Life of Keith

I wrote a poem a couple days ago. I love to write poetry, but I think I'm a prose person. Poetry really isn't where my talents are, so I won't post my poem on here. I will, however, at least prose about it (learned "prose" can be a verb. go figure.). I have this thing where I don't title my poetry. Maybe, if I give a poem a title, it boxes in the words and ideas, smothers them beneath some blanket, keeping them from breathing. I just don't like titling my poetry. (To be ironic, I now have to title this blog, I realize that.) The first line of my poem says, "this life's about hurt." For so many people, that's all we feel, that's all this life is: hurt. Living is overwhelmed by it--by pain, brokenness, grief, betrayal, lies, bitterness, guilt--hurt.

About two weeks ago, I started The Secret Life of Bees. (insert little superscript footnote "1" here)(insert little superscript footnote "2" here) Essentially, the book is about the life/development of a 14 year old girl, Lily. Gosh, the girl's been hurt so much and carries way too much for a child, for anyone, to bear alone. At times, Lily is heavy, at times withdrawn, at times bitter, at times angry, at times depressed, always broken, always hurting. The whole story is about diving into all of that hurt. Because that's what life is about: hurt.

It's crazy that I actually believe that sometimes. I've had some moments even just this break where I've been stuck in that. God always has a funny way of mending that mentality, though. I finished The Secret Life of Bees a week or two ago, and it spoke a lot to me then, and I mean a lot. Some of those moments of "life's about hurt" have hit me since finishing the book, though, but that book still has such a strong hold over me that it keeps changing me, refocusing me all over again. God has really used this book a lot to draw me out of those moments where I feel all depressed.

By the way, sometimes, I hate that I can't stay depressed. Sometimes, I just really want to be depressed and wallow in self-pity or self-loathing or self-whatever. Whenever I get depressed, though, and start thinking things like "life's about hurt" or whatever, I start to feel really melodramatic and pathetic. I mean really melodramatic and pathetic, so much so that I end up forcing myself to get over it and smile or dance or sing or eat or do something wonderful--something probably melodramatic and pathetic on the other end of the spectrum, but I like that place.

Like I said, God has really used The Secret Life of Bees to heal me over and over again the past week or two. The book really isn't about hurt. It's more about Lily discovering herself and her world and her hurt and dealing with all of those things. In the end, Lily finds love and belonging and peace and healing through mothers--all black mothers I should point out-- and through God--who in the book is also a black mother I should also point out. It's made me start seeing God in that light, too, as a mother (hopefully a black one, but I suppose I'll be okay either way). I just saw Avatar, and it did the same thing: make me think about God as a mother.(insert little superscript footnote "3" here)

But anyway, I've really needed the message God gave me through The Secret Life of Bees in this season of my life. Like I mentioned above, the book's not about hurt, but about healing. I think that's a message we all need to hear and be reminded of from time to time. Of course, I can only speak for myself, so that's all I'll do, but I hurt so much sometimes! Sometimes, the hurt is overwhelming, and for a time, it's all I see and feel. And like Lily, sometimes I feel alone, and I know I can't do this alone. No matter what I feel, though, I know I'm not alone; I have people in my life to help me, people that won't leave me even when I screw up big time, even when I bring hurt to those people. That's a gift from God, I realize that; and I realize that more than those people, I have a true Mother protecting me, forming me, loving me. I hurt this Mother so much, but the beautiful thing is that She isn't going anywhere. She'll always be there, always loving me, always healing me. Because life is about hurt, but it can be about healing, too.

I wasn't sure how I would end my poem when I started writing it. For a long time, I ranted and ranted about hurt and how cruel and painful life is, but, like always, I couldn't stay in that place. I began marinating thoughts of healing in my mind, because that's what was consuming my heart, and those thoughts flowed out into my poem. The last line is, "yeah--life may be about hurt, but living? living is about healing."

"Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth."
Jeremiah 33:6

*(insert little superscript footnote "1" here) --I decided that the best thing I read in 2009 was this book. In the words of one of my favorite people, "It is beautiful and soul touching." I strongly recommend it, and it has established itself in my all-time top 5 books list, a list that includes the 7th Harry Potter and The Chronicles of Narnia and The Shack and Uncle Tom's Cabin, a list that's very competitive and has lots of books fighting bloodthirstily for a place.
*(insert little superscript footnote "2" here) --dear blogger, please add a superscript option. sincerely, Keith.
*(insert little superscript footnote "3" here) --I decided that the best thing I watched in 2009 was this movie. It was crazy awesome.

Random Thoughts

thought 4: I've realized something about myself: I'm a pretty ridiculous person. I am entirely way too dependent on grades. I almost died when I thought I was going to make a "B" in a class I've worked my butt off in (an ungrounded fear I soon discovered). I'm also way too dependent on what people think about me. I can't even sleep at night if I think someone has a problem with me; I have to have everyone be okay with me, and in the end, that's just not feasible. And I'm way too dependent on what I can see. If I can't see it, it's really hard for me to trust that God can. Like the future. Those things are difficult for me to trust God with, because I'm constantly combating this "I have to know!" mentality. I guess all of it is ultimately a control thing...

thought 1: I don't know what the big fuss is concerning "Redeeming Love." I swear I've heard over and over about how wonderful that book is, it'll teach you how to really love someone, it's the perfect picture of God's love for us, ... I'm just a little into it, but I keep having to repress the urge to gag. It's obvious the author is working her ass off trying evoke some deep, emotional response from me, and frankly, I refuse to give it to her. At least for now, because the story is oh so predictable and cheesy. I mean, I guess it's beautiful and all, but it's also really sappy (I think the novel would be a great soap opera actually). I simply refuse to be emotional for its own sake, so hopefully the story will pick up and do something else for me. I guess I'm also not a huge fan of the metaphor for sinful, disobedient humanity being an adulterous woman and loving, redeeming God being a man. But that's probably just the feminist in me brought out from working with people like Liz, Carrie, and Collyn in the Writing Center ("Den of Prosperity").

thought 3: I just got back home from good ol' Gardner-Webb. I'm already counting the days till I go back, and I already freaking miss everyone there--some more than others, obviously. Geeze.

thought 2: I'm slightly perturbed that as soon as the homework, reading, studying, and exams end and I actually have time to blog, I really don't have much to say; that the times when I'm stressed-out-of-my-mind-I'm-so-busy, those are the times when I have things to say. That is just silly. Since I have no more thoughts of my own, I'll voice someone else's:

"On that night nothing is ever the same again. Once you've seen him in a stable you can never be sure where he will appear, or to what lengths he will go, or to what ludicrous depths of self-humiliation he will descend in his wild pursuit of man.
If holiness and the awful power and majesty of God were present in this least auspicious of all events, this birth of a peasant's child, then there is no place or time so lowly and earthbound but that holiness can be there too."

-Frederick Buechner