Charity: Water

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

"Surrender is the only thing that is our own." ---Mother Teresa

God, why can't I do this?
Why's it so hard to just get it right?
I keep thinking I'm ready so I jump in mid-flight,
and all I seem to do is fall
when faced with the sight
of myself.
God, why can't I do this?
Why's it so hard to surrender?
I try something else and all I engender
is more of the cold, hard pain I feel.
Another man a pretender, and defender
of what? Of Polo and Cee Lo?
Crack Cocaine and Lil Wayne?
More fly sedans and retirement plans?
Lifestyles of haste, our style of life is just waste,
and in the fiscal year of 2010
our budget of Defense was surpassing 285 billion?
What are we defending?
What is it here that's so precious that makes us think
our money is best spent on protecting it?
But me, nah, I got this down pat.
I know Your plan so I spit out the facts
of what it means to do this and that.
As far as being a Christian goes,
I know how to act
and play the game,
but I have no clue about the stakes of this poker match.
It seems like every day I'm gambling and I'm donning a new hat
to try to look the way I feel I should for You.
And I get it. I get it.
I get my life on track,
and I can see a higher path
of love and what a life of devotion
looks like. As a matter of fact, 
I start feeling your presence thick around
and chasing the sound of your music.
Life starts making sense,
with my time spent in your midst
in the presence of the poor and lonely,
those you bring to my attention.
But why is it that my prayers of praise soon turn to contention,
and all of my efforts and time and energy
result in only another invention of just more dissension,
and with three steps forward I turn back
in the wrong direction?
God, why can't I do this?
Why can't I get this right?
Somebody is always trying to fight
for my time,
and since I feel like I have to do it all,
I make nothing the priority
and always give in to what the majority
says I should be doing.
It's not until later that I remember the Authority,
or what should be in my life.
I'm too afraid of what being the minority
means--lonely, unhappy, desperate, lacking?
The fear's too strong and the lows hurt too long
for me to sit back and just wait.
Isn't that what you say trusting is?
Just.
waiting.
God, why can't I do this?
When will my good be good enough,
and my desires end for all this stuff
I keep carrying around in my wallet and closet
and wearing on my face? I know it's time to deposit
all this in You.
But, this conceit lives the life of the leech sucking deep.
My pride works against me, and my mind just conspires
and plays games of vampires--draining my soul.
Everything we ever worked for,
sucked...out...slowly...
God, I feel so lowly
when faced with myself.
Why can't I do this?
Worry's hills are the only ones my eyes look towards.
Not knowing the future
and never to be sure, it's so hard
when my trust is so immature.
It's time I conjure up something new.
My mind and my thoughts in the end point to You,
my soul and my spirit lined with Yours finally true;
my will and my desire,
my possessions and dreams all turn to fire,
all bow down when my self is faced with You.
God, my air, my time, my blood, my life: it all belongs to You.
The only thing you seek
is the one thing that keeps me free
of You and inadvertently the one thing
keeping me back from being me--the me created to dwell in You.
So why's it so hard to give up that one thing,
that one thing you ask of me?
Surrender

No comments:

Post a Comment